I’ll never forget the first time I saw someone walk out of a yoga class discouraged. It’s really hard not to notice when someone plops themselves down on their mat mid-class staring at the floor, then packs their bag and just leaves. I wasn’t actually teaching that class; if I had been, this whole story would have played out quite differently and also left a different impression on me. But as it was, I was also a practitioner, and I decided in my blissed-out yogi state to do something truly bizarre.
I followed her out and made sure she was ok (that’s me – forever at the intersection of compassionate and creepy). Turns out she was fine; she came back and whatever it was that distressed her clearly didn’t leave her fazed in the long term. And that a very good thing, because that’s not always how these stories end.
I’m not saying it’s undesirable for a student to experience extreme emotions, including (but not limited to) discouragement. The problem is in how we handle the inherently vulnerable nature of the yoga studio as teachers. I knew the teacher of that particular class. I knew exactly how much he cared about the safety (both physical and emotional) of his students. And he had zero fucks to give. He showed it routinely in his demeanor, his language, his cueing, his physical manipulations (and manipulations they most certainly were).
It’s amazing to me that she came back to that class, honestly – I didn’t even go back after a few more classes. That experience may not have daunted her, but as a newly budded yoga teacher, it certainly made me stop and think. And lately, I’ve been stopping and thinking about it a lot more.
Recently I heard myself say the words “expose your heart center” in class. On the surface, not a problem…we do a lot of work with anahata, the “heart chakra”, in energy-sensitive classes. Heart-centered yoga is fantastic for helping with emotional healing, forgiveness, and love.
But… “expose”? Think about what that means. To expose your heart. How many people, if asked and given time to consider, would say they are comfortable with exposing their hearts.
Where do I even get off? How dare I assume this is ok? Again, maybe (MAYBE) there is a context and a place for this kind of talk, but this was not that place. I knew how present I was being in that moment. I knew I said it cavalierly, nearly mindlessly if I’m honest. I’m re-grounding myself, and figuring out exactly how I got to this point. And it’s something I think we could all stand to pause and reflect on.
The work we do with our students is vulnerable, loved ones. It is difficult. I’m not even talking about what our students are going through while practicing. Think about what we go through while teaching. These classes (should) come from our hearts, souls, and experiences. We take our whole selves into the studio. We look into their practice, but if we are paying attention, we can feel them looking into ours.
I think that’s why we sometimes find subtle ways of disengaging. We desensitize, disconnect…we do the yogi equivalent of showing up to work drunk. We utilize the same speech patterns (have you ever caught yourself cueing something totally unintended simply because you are used to cueing other patterns? Or is that just me?) We adopt personas (*raises hand*). We take the same inflections at the same places, walk the same circular pattern through the studio, and eventually it seeps right into the practice of our students, who also get comfortable with hearing the same words, words, words.
Taking the studio for granted is dangerous, loved ones. It is bad enough to create grooves in our practices and brains which we can’t break free from, the very definition of “bad habit.” But a far more devastating consequence can emerge – we can accidentally, unintentionally, take our students into unsafe spaces. Far worse than saying a mindless repetition is to drop a mindless spiritual A-bomb like “expose your heart center.”
This is not a criticism of anyone in particular but yours truly (and one bad yoga teacher I used to know). This is a call-out for you and for me to reconnect with our own heart centers. Take a moment before you walk into the studio and ground yourself. Remember what it meant to be new to yoga. Maybe spend some time in a pose that made you feel vulnerable. As yoga teachers, we want to help our students push their edge slightly, NOT shove them straight over. More than ever we may not be aware of where that edge is.
Taking ourselves back to that space is a frightening and vulnerable thing. And as you experience that raw thing, maybe for the first time in quite a while, let it bloom into a deeper understanding of the power possessed by one class, one pose, and one teacher’s powerful presence (or lack thereof).
Commentaires